HELP?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

okay, so i may not be the most computer computer illiterate person on the block, but damn i need some help here. how the hell do i do this, how the hell do i do that. so thank goodness that i am leaving work at noon b/c i see that i will be working on this all weekend to get it up to my standards ;) i have a lot of reading to do on this...lol. maybe i SHOULD take some computer classes....what else do i have to do? HA!