THE "B" THAT BIT MY ASS!

****NOTE: IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY NAUGHTY LANGUAGE, THEN JUST GO AHEAD AND CLICK THAT RED "X" UP THERE IN THE RIGHT HAND CORNER NOW.

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

****'nother note: this is an email that i sent to my three favorite girls yesterday.

Girls I got to tell y’all a funny story. Okay, so I’m cruising around on the net yesterday on one of my favorite blogs that I’ve recently rediscovered and I see a pic of these initial pillows. I decide it’s a brilliant idea and I’m going to go home and make one for my bella*boo. So I use this great vintage pink houndstooth (greta, the fabric that I used to wrap your “g” canvas board).



So anyway, I draw this big ol “B” on the back of wrapping paper for a template which is a big fuckin’ mistake b/c the thing keeps wanting to curl. So while I’m tracing it on the fabric (with a regular pencil mind you b/c I don’t have a disappearing fabric pencil) I’m in a twister game pose keeping my foot on one end to keep it from curling while my elbow is on the other, tracing with a pencil that is barely working. So I get both sides traced and cut, and proceed to sew around the edges and the cut out middle parts of the “B”.



I almost seal the whole thing shut before I realize what I’m doing and leave about four inches at the bottom open for stuffing and think that I’m a sewing genius b/c I didn’t fuck it up.



Well that is until I go to turn it right side out.



What the fuck?



Why isn’t it coming out right. Why isn’t it in the perfect “B” shape that I worked so hard to obtain. Its just like a deformed dolls arm.

What did I do.



BOING!!!!



I sewed those damn center parts of the “B” and now it won’t be a “B”.

I get to thinking if I should use my seam ripper and rip those damn stitches out or if I should just put it aside and make bella a handicapped doll.



At this point it’s already been about an hour or so. I have another project that I wanted to complete as well and bella is going thru every lil thing in my scrap room asking if she can have this and that. not to mention, she’s asking me when I’m going to be done so she can lay on it.



I decide to throw it aside and cut out another pattern.



Insert hurt back and twister position again and the wondering if this is worth it. oh it better be fucking worth it.



So with all the wisdom I’ve learned about the 1st “B” I figure I’m a wise woman now and will have this one licked.



I’m good.



Oh shit, I’ve run outta thread.

Find a new spool.

Okay I’m good again.

Oh shit, the bobbin ran outta thread.

Let me rethread it.

Oh wait. How do you do that again.

Okay I think I’m good.

Nope.

I put the thread in the bobbin thing wrong and now it’s wanting to wind underneath it.

Try again.

Same thing as above.

Try again.

Again, same thing as above.

No bella you can’t have that. stop asking me for stuff.

Bella why are you crying?

I’m not yelling at you.

Try again.

Same thing again.

Oh finally!

I got it figured it out now.

I’ve now been working on this for three episodes of the office (20+ mins each) and 3 episodes of hunter (about 45 mins each).



Okay, I’m good now. I get to sewing. Just the edges this time.

Now I turn it right side out. Perfect.

Now I decide that I made the middle openings too big. She can’t use this as a pillow. Her head will sink in the middle. Why didn’t I just use another fabric to make the middle things (what the fuck are those called?)

Screw it. it can just sit on her bed.

But the “B” is also skinner than I planned.

Again, screw it. I want this thing done.



Bella again is asking me if I’m done yet. Ya know with that tone that implies what the fuck is your problem. You can’t figure out how to sew a simple letter. Geeez!



So now I’m stuffing it. thinking that this is taking too long and I want the damn thing done.



I’ve got those damn middle things sewn up however I prolly did it wrong b/c I did it right side out so you can see the unfinished edges. Who cares?



So I’m stuffing away.

And stuffing.

Damn this “B” is bigger than I thought.



Oh shit, some of the edges around the middle things aren’t closed all the way.

Now I’m cramming this half stuffed “B” threw my sewing machine desperately trying to get it sealed shut.

Why did I take on this fuckin’ project in the first place. Why didn't i just sew a damn "I"? her name is Isabella after all.



Finally it’s all stuffed.

Now I tackle sewing shut the bottom.

See above about cramming it thru the sewing machine b/c I think there is no way in hell I’m going to do it by hand.



It’s done.



The pink “B” is done.



Bella happily decided it was time for bed and carried her “B” with her. I believe I was declared the best mommy ever and she fell asleep in minutes claiming it was so comfy. She also has been carrying it around with her for two days straight.

so i guess it was worth it.


(note: her head can fit thru the bottom opening...bwahahhahahahaa!)

Tonight I’m making mikey an “M”.