ON THE DAY THAT YOU WERE BORN....!!!

happy second bday bella-boo! i cannot believe how much you have grown the past year and i cannot believe that you are already two! time just flies by!

you know, the day that bella was born was both a magical one and a heartbreaking one all at the same time.

here's the story.....


on may 9th, 2003, i went to what ended up being my last dr. appt. i had discussed with my dr. that i wanted a vbac (vaginal birth after csection). and i wanted it badly! i didn't do too well with the first csection and i wanted to give my all with a vaginal delivery. due to having a small pelvic area, the dr. decided to induce me at 37 weeks. i couldn't belive it. the next day we were going to have our lil girl.

on may 10th, we arrived at the hospital to be induced. after hours of boredom, i started to have major contractions. bella was a lil difficult and would move around too much and the nurses were unable to get a good readout on her heartbeat since she wouldn't stay in one spot. around midnight, the contractions were so bad that i finally got my epideral. at this point, i was still only around 2cm, but the pain was bad. i was having some bleeding and couldn't handle it. after the epideral came complete relief and i pottied on one of the nurses shoes ;)

around 5 a.m. on the 11th of may (mother's day), the dr. came in and told me that if i did progress to 4cm by 7 a.m. i was going to have a csection. i began to pray that i would progress. around 7 a.m. a nurse came in and checked me and told me i was 7cm. hot damn, i was going to have a vaginal delivery after all. they started setting everything up, i handed my mom the camera, told her to take pictures regardless as to whether or not i would want to see them later, and told them to get that mirror between my legs. i was already planning on how i was going to pull bella out by the shoulders on my own. tears of joy streamed down my face.

the dr. came in shortly thereafter and checked me. the nurse had made a mistake (note: i had an cathider (sp?) and the heartbeat monitor in my hoo-hoo). i was still only about 2cm. i was going to have to have a csection. me and michael were crushed. i couldn't believe it. you cannot imagine what it feels like to be so elated and then crushed the next minute.

they prepped me for my csection and in i rolled. after a few minutes, my lil bella-boo was born. mike and bella got to head to the nursery while i recovered. so much for recovering. i couldn't wait for the time to pass so i could hold my precious lil girl. when it came time, that is when they broke the news to me. bella had a breathing problem and i was not going to get to see her till the next morning. my heart was broken.

the next morning rolled around, and she still couldn't come to my room. i however mustered up the strength to walk down there. that is when i saw that she was under the lil breathing tent. i couldn't even hold her. i headed back to the room and waited for her to be checked out so she could be brought to me.

she was never brought to me. the peditrician came in and told me that bella was going to have to be sent to a near by hospital and entered in their nicu! i think i stopped breathing. i thought bella wasn't going to make it. i still hadn't held her. i wanted my lil girl and i wanted her in my arms. they transported her that afternoon and i think a part of my heart had been ripped out.

my doctor released me a day early so i could go spend time with her at the other hospital. my lil bella-boo was there for a week and made a beautiful recovery (i bless part of this on us being there almost every waking minute despite the fact that hospital is about an hour from our house and i was still in great pain. you would not believe the poor babies that were roomies with bella that didn't have one visitor. broke our hearts).

then we finally got to bring our lil bella home and our lives have been blessed ever since.

bella, i love you more than words can even describe. i look at your sweet lil face and imagine what wonderful things you are going to do with your life and what a powerful, strong woman you are going to be. every time do something, you completely blow my mind. i pray that you get everything you want out of life. i pray that you find such great joy in things and that every minute of your life is an adventure.

happy birthday bella-boo! i luv u!!!


the first time i got to touch my lil girl


bella's two!!!


bella at toys r us on a lil shopping spree