Tuesday, January 10, 2006

BIG MIDDLE FINGER TO YOU MAILMAN!!!!

okay, i am going to try and make this post as short as possible, but when i'm pissed off about something, i tend not to leave out any details.

okay, so sunday night i go to usps.com to print out a shipping label and schedule a pick up for monday. now around the christmas holidays, i had quite the problem with this (but had not problems prior to the holidays) and thought nothing of it b/c of the holidays. so no biggie, box goes out on the porch on monday morning.

monday evening when i am pulling into the driveway around 5:30 p.m., i notice the mailman is two houses down (when you live in the country, the mail comes pretty late). so i get down to the end of my driveway and sit and watch to see if he is going to drive down to me. rat bastard drives to my mailbox, puts mail in, and drives off. so now i hoist bella on my hip, and walk up the driveway with bella, my mary poppins purse, and some high heeled shoes and wait for him to turn around at the deadend and drive back toward my house.

i get halfway up my driveway when he drives by and i start to holler to him. he just says hey at first b/c i guess he thinks i am being friendly. i then yell "you have a package to pick up". "oh, okay he says". i then tell him he is going to have to drive down to get it b/c i couldn't get it in time without missing him.

so i walk the rest of the way to my mailbox to get the mail while he turns around slightly to come down my driveway.

he then proceeds to ride my ass with his car while i walk back down the 100+ foot driveway with bella on my hip, mary poppins bag on my shoulder, and high heel shoes that are really beginning to kill my right knee.

once we get to the end of the driveway, i put bella down, jot to the porch, grab the box, and go to hand it to him. at this point i notice its not our normal mailman. its a kid that looks no older than 17..kinda punky looking to.

so i ask him whether or not he was notified that he had a pick up here. he says "well i thought the number was 4 or something but then it got dark". i took this comment to really mean "i half ass read the pick up, mistook the 5 other numbers in your address that are not a 4 to be a 4, and since it got dark and i'm a lazy ass shithead, i didn't turn on the light in my car to read what the right address was. i then hoped that you wouldn't be home to catch my stupid ass and i could hurry up and get home to drink some cheap ass beer that i'm not old enough to drink and leave hickies on my redneck girlfriend's neck".

okay, whatever, the package is in the mail, nothing to get pissed off about right???


WRONG!!!

i get home today and notice a package sitting on my porch. now we all know that i am expecting these but certainly they can't be in that big box can they?

oh wait..whats that?

the blue fuckin' paper that i used to cover the top of the box that i mailed out yesterday?

did i do something wrong?

did i not put enough postage on it (that can't be b/c the box only weighed 1.5 lbs and i put 2 lbs.)?

why is the box a lil smooshed?

maybe there's a note explaining the problem huh?

i'll explain the problem....

stupid ass punk must not have brought my box to the post office, let his fat ass redneck girlfriend lay on it last night while she gave him a hickey, noticed it today, and b/c he's a stupid ass read the return address, thought it was addressed to me, and then threw it back on my porch.

so now, after i get my hair cut, highlighted, and go to work, i have to call the post office, bitch someone out, and hope they pick up my package before i get home tomorrow.

do i sound pissed?

9 comments:

ArtsyMama said...

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amber Lee said...

ya um, sometimes those postal employees are just not with it.

V said...

This is why I go to the PO but I don't live in a small town, I'm in a medium-sized town and I feel bad for my post man cuz he's one of those mailmen that go by foot to the end of the street. He calls me his ebay girl! LOL!! But anyways, those guys are paid a decent amount of money to do a job RIGHT!!! Your depiction of the events was HYSTERICAL!!!!!! And I don't blame you one bit for ripping them a new one!!!! Now I must go get that visual out of my head about the redneck g-friend a la hickeys and the cheap ass beer. LOL!!

julia said...

ack! What an eff-er! I don't think of myself as very old, but man alive I think "the kids these days" are dumb jackasses!

Greta said...

Girl I think this post was totally better than you teloling it to me on the phone. I have not had a good laugh like that in a really long time

Sharon said...

What the hell? This is like the funniest story I have ever heard. What a lazy dumb ass (the post man that is). I am so rolling girl.

Candice said...

OH MY GAWD! I think I would have broken something in frustration. Holy crap. I'm pissed just thinking about it!

Erin said...

oh man,
i would be way PEEVED!
that just sucks!!!!!!!!
kick some ass girl!

April said...

i would be PISSED.
ew.
fat redneck girlfriend & hickies.
ew ew ew.

xoxoxoxoxo